Who Forsook Whom

I am sure there are many stories of people being hurt that we never see, even though they are right there with us. Most people don’t talk a lot about the pain they have experienced in their life.

Sadly, some of that pain comes from people in the church. That should never happen, but as long as the church is made up of human beings it will happen at times.

For me it happened when I was eighteen years old. I had just started asking myself if I really believed everything I had been taught about God, or did I just believe because my parents did. Deep down I knew the answer was yes. I really did believe. I just needed to confirm that in my own mind and heart.

We were the pastors of our church and just as I was making the decision for myself the church asked us to leave. They had decided it was time for a new pastor. I felt totally rejected.

We went to a new town and pastored a new church. Unfortunately, the girl who was basically the leader of the youth in the new church did not want another young girl in the church so she told the youth they were to have nothing to do with me. I didn’t know the reason for two years. By the time I found out what was going on I had already decided if the people in the churches didn’t want me, the people in the world did. Stupidly, I walked away from God and didn’t look back for ten years. Lucky for me, I had a wonderful family and friends who prayed for me and God took care of me.

Eventually I came back to Him but I continued to feel rejected and abandoned. I struggled with those feelings for many years. I would start to feel better and then something would happen that caused all these feelings to come crashing back. I can’t tell you how many tears I shed over the years.

Finally I was in church one Sunday morning and we were singing a song about how we have never been forsaken. I suddenly felt God speaking to me. He reminded me that no matter what anyone else did, He never forsook me but I had forsaken Him. I realized in that moment that I could no longer carry that pain around with me. I was holding God responsible for what humans had done. I was responsible for my own heartache.

To be honest, when I occasionally look back on that time it still seems a little bit sad but not painful. Mostly I just see it as a time of learning. Actually, that is pretty much a description of life in general. It is sad, however, that it took me so long to see it.

At one time, years ago, I was mourning the loss of a certain person out of my life. I was crying one afternoon and asked myself, “Why can’t I let go of this pain?’ Then I heard myself say, “Because the pain is all I have left. When the pain is gone, they will be gone too.” At that time, I realized I had to release the pain and let that person be gone from my life. I immediately felt a little better as I began my journey back toward happiness.

Are you living in pain from events that happened long ago? Do you feel like God abandoned you? Remind yourself that God never abandons us, but we often abandon Him. Remember, God cannot help us heal until we let Him.

Think about it.